Becoming Human
by Kotagirlwithships
Summary: Cas and Dean fight often but this fight leads them to separate for awhile, until Dean is taken away. Sam and Cas band together to save Dean but what if Dean is not the only one in need of saving? Cas has been feeling..something that sounds a lot like emotions but of course this cannot be true since angels do not feel emotions or feelings of any kind, especially not love.


_Castiel POV_

I sat awaiting Sam and Deans awakening. As humans they have to sleep I understand that yet a part of me wants to do something rather than just sit and do nothing, I thought of the human word boredom I believe. But as an angel I do not feel these emotions. I stood unable to sit no longer, I walked to the door unable to bare the silence, noise I need noise! I walked on the sidewalk but the night is quiet, still restless I look around, where would I find people.

I hear shout of a man, his words are disoriented and not understandable, I am near him in seconds. There are two men in front of me one speaks, "Hello." This is the voice of the screamer I am sure of it yet he does not seem distressed, instead a smile spreads across his face I squint my eyes trying to understand. A feeling of discomfort spreads throughout my back I turn to see another man with a bloody knife, I hear the two men behind me run coming closer to me, had I been human the knife wound would have killed me and had I been human I would not have been capable of the throwing all of these attackers flying in separate directions, but I am not human.

Their grunts echo through the air a sound of some bones snapping echo and then there were screams but I did not care for them rather I walked away back to Sam and Dean where they most likely still sleep.

I sat in a chair looking out the window starring at my father's creations, earth was not perfect like heaven yet it was more beautiful than anything I had ever seen it was like the imperfections enhanced its beauty. Footsteps clomped through the halls, definitely Dean. He entered the room where I awaited I turned to him, were his freckles imperfections or perfections, I could not decide. Dean's eyes widened I looked to the direction he looked yet could not find anything particularly surprising, maybe it was something else humans did without reason. "Cas..why..who's..your covered in blood?" I looked down I had forgotten about the stab wound my vessel had endured, although the wound was gone the blood still soaked my clothing. "Oh I was bored last night so I went out and I was attacked." Dean's face hardened, his voice was cold "By who?" I did not understand why Dean seemed so disturbed by the thought of me being attacked I have taken care of myself for a long time before I met Dean "I do not know, some humans I took care of them." Dean looked at me his face softening some but not a lot, "No more leaving at night if you get bored wake Sam or I."

_Dean POV_

Anger burned through me, someone tried to hurt Castiel. Cas had his brow furrowed trying to understand my earlier statement. "Dean, why do you seem so angry they were just humans it didn't even hurt." I looked at him I didn't really know why I cared so much but I did, I knew the feeling it was anger raging through my veins. I rubbed my forehead I was unable to explain to him so I yelled, "CAS GOD DAMNIT JUST STAY IN THE DAMN HOUSE!" Cas was taken aback that was easy to see, his eyes were wide and his Adams apple bobbed. I sighed rubbing even harder on my forehead, "Cas man, I'm… I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell but I... Sam and I we don't want you to get hurt.

Sam chose this time to join Cas and I. Sam chuckled "What do I not want?" I slide to the right giving Sam a glance of Cas. Sam's eyes grew large just as I assume my eyes did. I broke Sam's glance and whatever thoughts he was having "He was attacked because he left at night when he was bored." Dean coughed "Dean I do not feel human emotions or urges I am an angel of the lord."

"Whatever Cas, just don't leave the house at night without one of us got it?!" Cas was pissed.

"DEAN I AM NOT ORDERED BY YOU SO DON'T ORDER ME AROUND!" He stood up and disappeared.

I looked at Sam my jaw was tight. "Can u believe him! All were doing is saving his ass and he's acting like were trying to own him!" Sam looked at me "Maybe he thinks that because you're acting like u own him." I squinted my eyes at him my eyebrows pulled into my face "Whatever screw you." I grabbed my jacket and stormed off.

These times where it was just me and my Impala were the best, I could blast my records without Sam's nagging. My hands clenched the steering wheel smiling at her purr. I looked around, had I planned for Sammy to act like a dick I would have had a place to go but of course I hadn't. A chuckle came out of my mouth as a sign directed me to a gentle man's club. I parked the impala and entered the building music blared.

Women around every corner filled my eyes; a few other men sat around at tables although they had no rings on you could see their tan lines, I chuckled thank god I never got into that mess. An Asian women came up to me, she wore a devils outfit, well if you could count a bra and skirt clothes. Her red lips puckered, "Come here sugar you look like you've had a rough day." The devil women grabbed at my hand and pulled at my hand.

We entered a room in the back; she dropped my hand and continued into the room a little farther, I took a seat. She turned and smiled at me, I smiled back or at least as much as I could manage. "Nice to see ya Dean" The Asians eyes turned black. I tried to stand but the lady in the devils outfit had me pined. I gave her a sly grin even though my heart raced, "When they say your clothing is a representation of yourself, they're not kidding." Her eyes turned back to the chocolate brown of the real human the demon possessed, but this was not the human looking at him. "Dean, Dean, Dean, the other demons are right, you are handsome. Such a shame I have to kill you."

"Then what are you waiting for, just kill me now."

"You're very pushy ya know, can't kill ya yet sugar you know orders." The demon came closer to me only to reach over me at the chair leg. She pulled tearing the leg off and setting the chair wobbly. Her hands threaded with the wood as she spun it around she then clenched it hard and spun it towards me. A sharp pain spread across the spot of impact and then the lights went out.

_Castiel POV_

I flashed back to the hotel with an odd felling in my stomach the human word was guilt but I knew I could not feel these emotions. Dean was gone but Sam sat at the table looking at his computer drinking an alcoholic beverage. Sam looked at me, "Glad your back Cas, Deans out wouldn't expect him back tonight." I held my stomach with a questioning look on my face. Sam looked at me oddly, "Dude what's wrong?" I still held my stomach unable to explain the feeling, "Ever since I left here I've had an odd sensation in my stomach."

"You mean like guilt?" Sam looked at me questioningly.

"Sam I am an angel of the lord I do not feel guilt."

Sam opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a noise echoing from his phone. He looked at the screen then brought it to his ear, "Hey man didn't think I'd hear from you tonight." A point of silence held within the room as Sam listened intently. His eyes grew wide. "Touch him and I swear to god!" He slammed his phone shut and rubbed his hair back. I was prepared to listen. "They have him. The demons." My heart pounded and the pain I had felt in my stomach grew larger, "Where are they?!" I suppressed and urge to scream the urge made no logical sense yet I ached to do it. "I don't know but I'm supposed to meet them by the St. Field clearing."

"I'm coming with you of course." I didn't have to ask, Sam knew I would go even if he had said no. Sam stole a car, which I still did not feel comfortable with since it must truly inconvenience someone but for Dean I would have stolen the car myself. I knew the drive was not long yet I wanted to fly, I wanted to be there now but I knew I could not leave Sam behind.

We arrived at the clearing. I clenched my angel blade feeling the need for its support. My palms were sweaty; I grabbed Sam's shoulder giving him a slight squeeze. "Don't be nervous", he said to me. I wanted to remind him that as an angel of the lord I do not feel these human emotions but it seemed insignificant. We walked into the clearing and immediately saw dean he had his hands wrapped in rope and he hung from a tree. Blood covered his body and I questioned if he was even alive but he lifted his head and caught my eye.

His freckles were easy to see since the sun on his face had made them pop. I decided then that they were imperfections but as earth these imperfections had just enhanced Dean's beauty. I cocked my head, had I just said Dean was beautiful?

A woman walked out from the shadows soon followed by another woman and three men. They were demons, they each held a series of weapons. The two women came at me holding their weapons out oblivious to me being an angel, the three men ran at Sam he held his demon knife in ready position. The first women I slashed my blade at and in seconds she was down, the other women however kept her distance between her and I. Something roared inside of me had I been human I would probably call it anger.

I yelled to the women "Leave and you may live!" She laughed at my comment and began to walk away, I thought I may have won but I was wrong she tightened her grip on the weapon and continued in the direction of Dean. I ran at her, she was not going to hurt my Dean, I mean Dean she wasn't going to hurt Dean. I raised my weapon but she spun and stabbed me in the gut, I stood back a burning sensation sored throughout my body. It was harder for me to fight as well as I usually could but I continued. I heard screams coming from Sam's area but I knew it was the demons and not him. I did not think of the fight I was doing but rather I felt the moves come together, it was a new sensation. Soon the women lay on the ground blood seeping from her wound I had given her. I looked back at Sam, he was occupied but he was winning. I ran to Dean.

Dean was weak, life was seeping out of him soon to be occupied by death. I cut the rope holding him up and held him to me. My vessel and I were both weak in ways I had never been, especially from an ordinary weapon. I held my hand to Dean's forehead and felt as my being healed him. His eyes fluttered and he looked up to me. His green eyes that had earlier pierced through my own eyes now were soft and caring, loving even. It was hard for me to stand I fell to my knees no longer capable of holding myself. I was eye level with Dean, and lip level my eyes seemed to continue to travel to his lips.

_Dean POV_

I saw as Cas fought the demons that had kidnapped me. Had I not known better I would have thought that was rage in his eyes, but I had known better or at least I thought I had. Now we huddle at eye level and I know the look in his eyes, lust maybe even love. I watch as his eyes gaze at my lips, I resist the urge to smile. He was weak, his body could barely hold him nor could mine but I was not an angel. "Are you okay Cas?" My voice was barely a whisper, his silence made me believe he had not heard me. He gazed into my eyes "No Dean I am not okay."

"What's wrong Cas?"

"I am in love with a human and I am not supposed to be able to love at all."

I wanted to ask who but from his eyes I already knew the answer. I leaned close to him our lips almost touching. We both were sweating and shaking but I knew he drew closer to me also. The distance between us was no longer bearable I closed the space by pressing my lips against his. At first I was worried he may reject me, I did not know if I could have handled that, but he didn't in fact he was very inviting.

_Castiel POV_

My lips were against Dean, every part of me tingled with a vibrant sensation. Nothing could ruin this moment, or so I thought. Realization hit me, I loved Dean, only humans could love and angels do not get injuries from normal weapons. I pulled away from Dean for a moment, I sensed his disappointment, "I love you dean."

"I love you Castiel."

I did not wait but rather shoved my lips back onto his. He melted into me without hesitation. I felt Dean's weakness if I did not heal him he would die, but if I healed him I would not be strong enough to handle it. I felt as I gave him everything. To Dean it must feel like heat traveling around his body, for me I began to lose all feeling. My legs were to numb to hold me on my knees so I fell but Dean followed still kissing me as I laid on the grass. My arms could no longer hold him so they fell but still Dean kissed me, I was grateful for that. Soon all I could feel was my lips against his until I no longer could kiss him. Dean lifted his face to look at me, I had one last glance at his face his beautiful freckles, those piercing green eyes that were full of love completely directed at me. That was my last sight Dean's face, and my last sound was Dean calling my name vastly fading. My last thought was of him and the love that warmed my now human heart.

_Dean's POV_

I screamed his name, for hours as it seemed. "CAS PLEASE COME BACK DAMNIT I LOVE YOU!" Sam had seen me kiss Cas but I did not care because all I could care about was the fact that the man I loved laid in my arms dead. His vessel had long been dead. I did not move for what seemed like days but later Sam told me it had just been a few hours.

We gave him a hunter's funeral. He had been a hunter, one of us. Sam left me to be alone with Cas's ashes. I cried, I screamed, I cussed, and I begged, I didn't care who heard me. `I bowed my respect to my dearest friend, but he wasn't just my friend was he? No he was the man I loved, the angel that loved me, a broken man from a broken family an angel loved this man, me? Yea he did, he told me, his voice echoed in my head –I love you Dean-. I pulled out dad's journal and tore an empty page out, I wrote a letter and then I pushed it into the middle of Cas's ashes. "Goodbye..I…I love you."

_Dear Cas, _

_ You broke me man. I tried so hard to fight my feelings for you and then today, you told me you loved me and I couldn't…I didn't know what to do. I felt these emotions flood through me! I thought maybe this could be something, that we..we could be something. I still don't know exactly what happened, but know that I still love you._

_ Damn it Cas how dare you make me feel this way! You made me love you! I don't know what to do now man! How dare you leave me! I'm sorry Cas I.. I didn't mean to be mean on your death letter. I just.. I want you back. I want you on my side fighting monsters, I want to kiss you again, I want to tell you I love you, I want… I want to hear you tell me you love me. Hell I want to get married with you! _

_Cas if you can find a way.. a way back to Sam and i.. to me.. do it, come back to me man. I love you._

_Dean W._


End file.
